Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Back to Abiding

Four years ago, I fell ill with two autoimmune diseases.  My life went from being active to being sedentary in a matter of days.  The steroid medication I needed to curb the inflammation of these diseases caused it's own trouble: full body swelling (I went from size 10 to 1x within a month), my face changed into a moon shaped face,my hair kept falling, I had pain all over my body, and fatigue made it hard to do even the most simple tasks (ever feel like you are walking through knee deep thick mud with every step?). My medicated and foggy brain did not allow me to remember or focus on anything I read.  So I put the Bible aside and worked at fixing my mind on the truth I have known and waited for God to bring me through.  His truth sustained me. The truth He taught me in the years before.

Four years later, I am able to drive and am starting to read my Bible.  I still get fatigued and have pain sometimes, but it is not nearly as bad.  I'm able to attend church sometimes and I can go shopping with my daughter.  I still have a hard time being around too many people, especially people I do not now. It just takes too much energy still.  But Today, I have the morning to myself.  Our sons are settled in their own apartment in another city. Our daughter is at school and my husband is out at a meeting.  I have quiet time and I am enjoying it.  I spent time in the Word this morning and reflected on faith and the closeness of God.  I have not always "felt" close to God during this illness.  Some days I tried not to feel at all.  I would drown out the pain with movies or shows on Netflix.  I would wait until I could regroup and regain composure, lessen the pain and re-enter family life.  But today I am reminded that even though at times I did not feel close to God, God was always close to me.  He was in me. Going through this sickness with me.  And I was in Him.  Held close and protected as He allowed me to go through this process.  God allowed this time of sickness and I pray He will show me more and more what He wants me to learn, how He wants me to grow.  I'm sure He has grown me in ways I cannot even see or am aware of.