Sunday, May 3, 2015

Musings

I never realized how difficult it is to keep focused on the Lord when our bodies are sick.  It is certainly a different dynamic.  It becomes harder to read with the meds we must take.  And hard when the body feels badly to want to do anything at all.   Yet, devotion to God, focusing our thoughts on Him and His truth, carries us through like nothing else can.  

Without Him and His truth, I know I would dive into despair or depression.  I would look for something to fix myself, even to abusing pain meds or worse.  I know that without God I tend toward these extremes.  With Him,  I have peace and am learning long-suffering.  I have joy in knowing God is actively working all the events of my life around for good, for me, for my family, for those who still need to know Him.  My heart longs for those I love.  For rich lives in loving God and others to know the God who loves them with an everlasting love.  

I long to be out talking about God, leading people to Him, and actively being involved in the lives of others.  I long to be actively involved in our kids lives, more than just being at home with them, when much of the time I'm resting.  I am painfully aware that they are nearing the age when they will leave our home for good and there is so much I would like to do with them. 

Yet, I know, in the midst of these longings, that God is sufficient for me.  His grace is enough.   His word fills me with light and life.  Especially the Word I have known and continue to meditate upon. His word sustains me.  And every so often I cry out for prayer from close friends, and those prayers lift me up to refocus once again.   

I want to walk through this time in faith.  I want to fall deeper in love with God and trust Him for His timing in healing me fully.  I want to trust Him for our kids futures, and for my involvement in their lives.  I believe God is in control of these things, and even in what He allows, so I know that He will bring good from all of this, good for all of us.  He is good and sufficient, and my provider and lover and friend.  I pray God would deepen these things in me. Deepen my faith. Deepen my contentment. Deepen my love, strengthening me to be who He desires me to be, even through these challenging days.  May my eyes rest on Him. May my heart rest in Him.  May my mind focus on Him.  And may I submit my body to Him for His purposes, whether in sickness or in health.